How to ensure failure

If you are determined to fail - or go nowhere in a 'dead-end job' here is eleven foolproof steps to help you meet your goal and ensure failure.

Be totally content with the status quo. Never take a risk.

  1. Each time you're tempted to say or do something, ask yourself: "What will everyone else think?"

  2. Always tell your boss what you think s/he wants to hear.

  3. Be totally inflexible. Stay on course no matter what.

  4. Fear change, and do everything possible to avoid, or at least, postpone it, for as long as possible.

  5. Don't ever think for yourself. Rely on others to make decisions for you.

  6. Set as few goals as possible and keep the ones you do set very vague, so you can keep changing them to match your progress (or lack of it).

  7. Let your attention drift. Lots of distractions make work much more interesting.

  8. If there's nothing in it for you don't do it.

  9. Save your courtesies exclusively for those above you on the organizational chart.

  10. Memorize the formula TGE - That's Good Enough - set a ceiling on the quality of your work and a limit on the time and energy you spend on it.

Most of all, don't even entertain the thought of taking on responsibility for you. When we fail, it's much easier to blame others. Besides, success can be scary. But fortunately, if you do all the above conscientiously, you'll never have to worry about it happening to you.

In most organizations, everyone is working toward the same ultimate goal, though they may be looking at it from different sides. In these cases, a blending of perspectives and a combination of solutions often work best for all concerned.